The Fabu Chronicles

Kicked to the Curb

thefabuchronicles — Wed, 06 May 2009 00:38:21 +0000

Dear Blabby,

I am so frustrated and confused I don’t know where to begin. I went out on a date with a friend a while ago and the date was both fantastic and tragic at the same time! Before our date we were great friends who spent a lot of time together. We decided to go on a date one night just for fun, or so we thought. One thing led to another and our friendship was no longer “innocent”. I thought this was great because we are good friends, we see each other all the time, and we found that we were both into each other. Some time after the date, he told me that he wasn’t ready to consider anything more than a friendship with me and he wasn’t ready to try a commitment. I understood what he was saying and I started to back off. The problem was that I really started to like him.

After a while, he told me that he was uncomfortable around me. Although I never mentioned anything to any of our friends and I never acted differently around him, he still felt uncomfortable around me. I opened up to him and told him how I honestly felt about him, and explained that I would keep my distance from him because I also started feeling uncomfortable around him. He told me that he was happy that we could be open and honest with each other and we both felt that once we got over being uncomfortable around each other that we could go back to our old friendship. Boy was I wrong!

He started acting cold and mean to me. He cut off all communication to me and won’t even return friendly calls (whenever I called him – which was once in a while). It was as if he completely deleted me from his life for good. Our friends are starting to speculate about something between us and they’re beginning to talk about his weird behavior. Not only am I hurt and offended that he is treating me like this (especially when I did nothing to warrant this) but I am now embarrassed because our friends know something is going on. I feel so rejected and used that I don’t know what to do next. A part of me wants to confront him and tell him off but another part of me wants to just ignore him and hope he goes away. Either way, all I do now is cry everytime I think of it. My close friends are helping me through this, but I can’t help but feel humiliated and angry at the same time. I am sad that he rejected any possibility of a future together but I am more hurt that I lost a friend. Sometimes I wonder if he was a friend to begin with.

Sincerely,

Friendless in C-Town

SOLUTION:

Dear Friendless in C-Town,

Do I even need to tell you that you have already broken the first rule of dating? If you really liked him, you should have waited to give up the “cookie” until you knew where he was coming from! If he had no desire to be in a relationship before, he certainly has no reason to now! If the two of you had agreed from the git that you would just be “friends with benefits” then that’s one thing, but it seems like at least one of you (ahem) was hoping for more. Now he’s running away hiding, avoiding you and giving you vague answers because he thought you would trip after y’all did the do.

He sounds like he got scared away when you opened yourself up to him. There is something to be said for being honest, but too much, too soon can be problematic to a man who is already afraid, it seems, of commitment. It also sounds like he has a lot going on personally and probably needs some time to sort it all out alone! You don’t have that kind of time, so stop wasting it. He’s confused and immature given the fact that you say he could not even respect your friendship. TRUE friendships, no matter their origin, take time. I’m not sure you two had enought time to really build a solid friendship. He certainly doesn’t think so, even if in your mind you thought so. You may be disappointed in him right now, but move on. Dealing with this guy will only cause you more wasted days and lonely nights in the future.

Princess “Jungle”, Prince “Fever”

thefabuchronicles — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:11:18 +0000

Ok so Princess Tiana has jungle fever..so what, right? Well…..

Now, I am the last person to yell RACISM! in a crowded theater but um . . . you have to scratch your head and wonder why the people behind the pen at Disney made a concerted effort to make their first African American princess have a romantic interest who more closely resembles Rico Suave instead of Theo Huxtable.

Voiced by Anika Noni Rose of “Dreamgirls” fame, Princess Tiana is the star of a new animated film to be released this Christmas, entitled “The Princess and the Frog.” Her prince has been described as “almost white” with “olive-toned” skin, and he will be voiced by Brazilian actor Bruno Campos. Now why is that? Perhaps the people at Disney felt that America is not quite ready to witness all that black-on-black love, which is interesting considering that arguably the most powerful man in the world and his wife hug, kiss and fist bump with unabashed regularity on the world stage. I’m all for the interracial relationship thing. Love is indeed colorblind. But at a time when someone at the cartoon company obviously felt compelled to show little girls everywhere that princesses aren’t just blond-haired with blue eyes, you have to wonder why they stopped short of affording little black boys the same view.

There are people out there insisting that Disney’s decision smacks of blatant racism. I wouldn’t go that far. In fact, it must be said that in a country with a culture of free enterprise, I think you should be free to do just about whatever you want with your own business. But in our hyper-sensitive world, Disney had to have known that someone would object or, at the very least, notice.

Why this is even an issue maybe be difficult for many people to understand, but the black experience in America is difficult to understand unless you are, well, black. For so long, images of beauty, success, intelligence and, yes, even princehood, only looked a certain way. So now that we are thankfully progressing beyond such ignorant and hurtful stereotypes, any perceived deviation from such progress is highly recognizable to those of us who have lived through it.

In Disney’s defense, I highly doubt it was their intention to offend anyone. But this is when I say that perhaps Disney could benefit from having several African American persons on staff, if they do not already, whom can they can consult and who can given them their honest feedback about these sort of things before it creates a controversial wave in the public.

Lost in Love

thefabuchronicles — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:22:32 +0000

SITUATION: “Lost in Love”

Dear Blabby,

I have been seeing this guy for seven months and I don’t know what to do. When we first started seeing each other, he told me he was not ready for a relationship and I was fine with that because although I eventually wanted a commitment, I wasn’t looking for one with him (or so I thought). We spent nearly everyday and night together as if we were a couple until he started pulling away. We weren’t seeing each other as often and he wasn’t calling me as much. When I ask him what’s going on he would just say that he was working late and he didn’t have as much time to spend with me.

I want to talk to him about our future together because I am really starting to care about this guy but I don’t know how to approach him. At first we were doing great but now I don’t know what to do. Please help me,

Sincerely,

Lost in Love

SOLUTION:

Dear Lost in Love,

This is the age-old say-one-thing-do-another dilemma. Y’all better start listening to these dudes! He DID say upfront that he was not ready for a relationship. That sentence should have tattooed itself on your brain before you two went any further. Now look, I get it. Things change sometimes (or so you think) when you start dealing with someone on the reg. As you said, you two were spending a lot of time together, and it seemed like things were progressing toward a relationship. However, he may have just gotten comfortable for a hot minute being with you. Then when he sensed you were catchin’ feelings, he backed off. Perhaps he was even beginning to feel some kinda way toward you as well and that scared him a little, so he backed away. Either way, he bounced. As painful as it is, you are just going to have to let this one go. Remember, he told you his intentions (or lack thereof) at the very beginning. Men do not say things just to be saying them. Trust. Listen! A man will TELL you if he wants you. If he wants you, you won’t be able to get rid of him. If he is pulling a disappearing act now, it ain’t just because he’s working late. A man will make time for who he wants. He is giving you that excuse to try not to hurt your feelings. You can choose to confront him to get an answer if you want, but I’m telling you now that 2 things are going to happen: 1) He is NOT going to tell you what you want to hear and 2) You will further alienate him and begin to sound desperate. You’re not desperate are you? Good. Because desperation is so NOT HOT–to me OR him. So, just grit yor teeth, bury your head in your pillow, yell, scream, whatever–just DO NOT CALL HIM. Let him find his way back to you if he wanna be startin’ sumthin’ with you. He’ll come around IF and when he’s ready. In fact, if you two were getting as close as you say, I predict he will at least contact you at some point to see how you’re doing. By then you should be able to say, in the words of ol’ skool Destiny’s Child: ”I’m doin so, so, so, so, so good, good, good, good, good, goooood”…and mean it.

Keep Up With Reality, Kardashian

thefabuchronicles — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:42:35 +0000

Though my days of being 21 are (ahem) behind me, I love popping into the cheap-chic clothing store bearing those numbers-Forever21-from time to time. Hey, you’d be surprsied what cute-ness you can find. But what’s not cute is the fat-feud that has broken out between the popular chain and everyone’s current I’m-a-celebrity-just-because fav, the curvaceous Kim Kardashian.

Forever 21 just launched a new collection of affordable tops, dresses, and jeans for plus-sized girls called Faith 21. (YAY!) But the company made the apparent mistake of using Kimmie’s likeness to promote the line (BOO!). Well, all Armenian hell broke loose and on her blog, Kim wrote:

“I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I’m very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a “fuller-figured woman” of extra large proportions is a little offensive. For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.”

Now that I have sufficiently rolled my eyes back into place enough to tpye, let me just say that I understand Kim’s frustration. There IS a difference between plus-sized and voluptuous. Kim is the latter. Further, I think it’s fabu when celebrities praise themselves for having a little meat on their bones when most of young Hollywood looks like they could slip through the holes in the doughnuts that they apparently are not eating. But a size 2? C’mon now Kim. I’ve seen your reality show AND, through no fault of my own, your Playboy spread (don’t ask), and as a naturally big-bootied girl myself, I’m willing to bet all the shoes in my closet that there is no way you could get your hamhock of a leg and hip into a size 2..unless you consider getting a size 2 jean half way up your calf “wearing” it.

We’ll be happy to keep up with this Kardashian…if she will just keep it real.

The Fabulous Mr. Mizrahi

thefabuchronicles — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:00:48 +0000

Ok, so all of us fashion forward divas universally assumed that Isaac Mizrahi would be fabulous if he were to ever grace us with his haute couture presence, right? Well, I am here to tell you, after witnessing the cheap-chic clothing maven himself in person, that indeed he is truly, madly, deeply one of the most fabulous men on earth. Mizrahi is now apparently touring department stores across the country promoting his new spring line for Liz Claiborne. Now, I, like so many other label devotees had tossed the desire to shop Liz Claiborne to the curb like last year’s Jimmy Choos. (Ok, I would NEVER throw away Jimmy Choos. I was just testing you). But anyway, I am here to tell you that the woman is BACK! Thanks to, well, a man.

After sashaying away from his previous contract with Target, Mizrahi headed right to Claiborne to revamp the comatose label. And he did just that by breathing life into bright colors and infusing vigor via bold patterns. The new collection is stylish and sleek enough for you to stand out but fresh and simple enough for everyday. At the fashion show in the Belk store in South Park mall in Charlotte, NC, Mizrahi claimed on behalf of all women that we all strive to be and want to perpetually remain the “got it together” 35-year-old fashionista-on-the-go, whether you are 25 or 60. He stressed that this is what his line represents. He wanted to bring Liz back to her original and rightful place as the American female fashion icon. Well, I dunno know about all that. But I do now that this line of his is quite funky and fun and you would do yourself favor by at least checking it out. The trench coats and pants are particularly flattering. And don’t even get me started on the handbags! Looooove them! The one thing to come away with after viewing this line is that all it takes is a piece or two to make an outfit pop, and Mizrahi offers plenty of pieces to play with. I give this collection 2 manicured thumbs up!

Ciao Bellas.